Do You Know Why Man and Woman Often Misunderstood Each Other? This is the reason!

Hello, Good Readers :D

It's so nice to see you, again!! How are you today? I hope you're always fine, guys. Fyi--in case you want to know, I still have a flu now and it's getting worse. However, here I am, still strong enough to just post my third post in my blog! And I hope you will enjoy this post because I actually really love to write this here considering this is my favourite topic ever so far. Are you curious, now?

In today's post, just like my previous posts, I would like to post a review of article, specifically today I am going to review a book by John Gray. Man are from Mars, Woman are from Venus.

Why do I really like this topic? Because this book explained about how to build a good and healthy relationship with understanding about how man and woman are different. Which is that's what I need, that's what man and woman need, and that is every single person need. I mean, admit it or not, we need that kind of part in our lives because either you or me, for sure, are going to marry someone in the future, and in my opinion, this is a very useful guide for us. So, before it's too late to get this information in your life and before you'll ruin your relationships because you could not understand your partners well, here it is. I offer you a short and brief comprehension about how to understand your man or your woman well, so, let's continue read this post!

Summary of "Man Are from Mars, Woman Are from Venus"

Man Are from Mars, Woman are from Venus is a book that explained how man and woman are absolutely different in every single aspect of their lives. How their emotional needs, how their understanding about something, how they acted, how they showed their feelings, the way they speak in different languages, and many more aspects that would surprise you because they are completely different. The book will also offer the explanation about how to know the opposite sex well, give us a clear understanding what our partners actually needed, tell us how to stop being selfish to our partners and also give us the way how to treat and please our partner better.

This book consist of thirteen chapters. However, in this post, I will offer a review from only two chapters of this book, included chapter one and chapter two.

Chapter 1: Men Are from Mars, Woman Are from Venus

We are (as man and woman) have to remember that we are different. Man and woman are completely different. When a men is falling in love with a women or a women is falling in love with a men, they feel like love is very magical. Man and woman feel so deep for their partners like that love will be forever, like they will be stay together and everything will be happily ever after. However, at the same time, when man and woman love their partners, man would expect their woman would think, communicate, and act the way man do, while woman would expect their man would feel, communicate, and respond the way woman do. While that is very wrong way to love each other. 

Even though man love their woman so much, and woman love their man so much, they still have to remember their differences. Because without remembering that man and woman are  different, there will always be the expectations that their partners will think or feel the way they do and it will bring out the dissapointment for either man and woman again, and again. In conclusion, if we want to have a good and long last relationship with our partners, we always need to remember that man and woman are always different then we need to stop expecting man would feel they way woman feel and woman would think the way man think.

"Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences" - John Gray

Chapter 2: Mr.Fix_it and the Home-Improvement Committee

Man value their abilities more than they value their feelings. On the other hand, woman value their feelings more than they value their abilities. When woman could not appreciate man's abilities, man would feel annoyed and untrusted and when man could not appreciate woman's feeling, woman would feel irritated and uncared. 

Man are designed to have a big self-esteems. They could not receive when someone underestimate their self-esteems. When man have problems, they are sure that they could do it themselves and they do not need any help from anyone. They need to be trusted that they have the abilities to fix their problems by themselves. They do not like to be given any advise unless they ask for it. When they really need advise, they will ask it from an expert so they could get a great solution for their problems. However, because of woman really value love, communication, and relationships so whenever they notice that their man had problems, they would always try to give him advice and solutions. They think it could help man and make them feel better. However, woman completely had no idea that what they do just make their man feel worse and untrusted. It would make man feel that their woman do not appreciate and trust their abilities.

Moreover, woman as the home-improvement committee sometime make something worse and hard for man with this abilities. They like to tell man how to do something and give comments about man's behaviors just like man are something that need to be fixed. It makes man feel worse about woman. Man do not like to be treated like they are broken toys that need to be fixed, they need to feel that woman accept them just the way they are without trying to change them.

The book gave the example of a couple, Mary and Tom, when they were going to go to a party and then Mary realized that Tom didn't know the way to get to the place and it made them lost. Mary tried to give Tom some advice because she thought that Tom need it. Mary did it because she thought it was the way to show her love for Tom. On the opposite, Tom feel so upset and bad about Mary's advice. When Mary said, "I love and care about you, so I'm offering you this help", what Tom heard was just like, "I don't trust you to get us there, you are incompetent!". 

See? How bad it was for Tom! While Mary felt she helped him with her advise, Tom thought that Mary untrusted his ability. Tom would be happier if Mary just sit there in silent and let him do his job. If just Mary wanted to let him did it himself, after he managed to fix his problem himself, he would feel better again soon.

 The illustration of Tom felt untrusted by Mary

On the other hand, woman are designed to have a big caring and loving soul. They could not receive when someone hurt their feelings. When woman have problems, they need to talk about all of their problems. They need someone to just listen to them and show them that they care with them without giving them advise how to fix their problems. Woman just need a hug when they have problems. As long as they feel that they are loved, they are cared and they are listened, they would be soon getting better. However, because of man really value power, competency and achievement. So, as Mr.Fix_it, whenever their woman talking about woman's problems to them, they think woman need advice how to fix the problems. That is the way man show their love. They think it would make woman feel better with giving her advice. However, man had no idea that what they did just making woman feel more upset and unlistened. It would make woman feel like they are not listened and uncared.

The book once again put Tom and Mary as an example of this case. Here it is, I will show what exactly is written in the book with the hope that my reader would get best understanding about this.

John Gray on page 19-20 of his book Man Are from Mars, Woman Are from Venus gave an example like this.

--

Mary comes home from an exhausting day. She wants and needs to share her feelings about the day.

She says, "There is so much to do; I don't have any time for myself."

Tom says, "You should quit that job. You don't have to work so hard. Find something you like to do."

Mary says, "But I like my job. They just expect me to change everything at a moment's notice."

Tom says, "Don't listen to them. Just do what you can do."

Mary says, "I am! I can't believe I completely forgot to call my aunt today."

Tom says, "Don't worry about it, she'll understand."

Mary says, "Do you know what she is going through? She needs me."

Tom says, "You worry too much, that's why you're so unhappy."

Mary angrily says, "I am not always unhappy. Can't you just listen to me?"

Tom says, "I am listening."

Mary says, "Why do I even bother?"

After this conversation, Mary was more frustrated than when she arrived home seeking intimacy and companionship. Tom was also frustrated and had no idea what went wrong. He wanted to help, but his problem_solving tactics didn't work.

Without knowing about life on Venus--woman's world--Tom didn't understand how important it was just to listen without offering solutions. His solutions only made things worse. You see, Venusians--woman--never offer solutions when someone is talking. A way of honoring another Venusian is to listen patiently with empathy, seeking truly to understand the other's feelings.

Tom had no idea that just listening with empathy to Mary express her feelings would bring her tremendous relief and fulfillment. When Tom heard about the Venusians and how much they needed to talk, he gradually learned how to listen.

When Mary now comes home tired and exhausted their conversations are quite different. They sound like this:

Mary says, "There is so much to do. I have no time for me."

Tom takes a deep breath, relaxes on the exhale, and says, "Humph, sounds like you had a hard day."

Mary says, "They expect me to change everything at a moment's notice. I don't know what to do."

Tom pauses and then says, "Hmmm."

Mary says, "I even forgot to call my aunt."

Tom says with a slightly wrinkled brow, "Oh, no."

Mary says, "She needs me so much right now. I feel so bad."

Tom says, "You are such a loving person. Come here, let me give you a hug."

Tom gives Mary a hug and she relaxes in his arms with a big sigh of relief. She then says, "I love talking with you. You make me really happy. Thanks for listening. I feel much better."

 

 What woman need is just a hug and they'll feel better

--

See? How woman and man completely have different the way of thinking and feeling. To be concluded, as man, you need tolearn how to listen to woman when they are talking about their problems and stop trying to give them advice. Because woman don't need you to help them fixing it, they just need us to show yout loves and cares. And, as woman, we need to give up giving the man advice for their problems unless they ask for it. 

Actually, I really feel like this is true because I have experienced this kind of problems before. I meant, not really me. But, almost everyday I watched my parents had a fight just because of a little things and it made me confused often. I wonder why my mother was so fussy when she had a problem and why my father's reaction was just being silent all the time. Now, I know what the reasons were. Once again, I can say that this book is really useful for me and for us. Because of this book, I will be able to understand my parents more. Honestly I've just told my mother why sometimes my father became so silent when he had problems according to this book explanation and her reaction about my statement was just silent, too. Maybe she was thinking about this on her brain but didn't want to talk to me because she felt awkward to talk to me about this.

Well, there it is, my review about the book Mars Are from Mars, Woman Are from Venus. This is the longest post that I've ever post in my blog, yet this is just a little pasrt of the book. If you want to read the book completely, you are able to downoad this e-book here: Download Man Are from Mars, Woman Are from Venus free ebook

I hope the information above can be useful for all of you. I hope after you read this you will be able to understand your wives or your husbands better, your parents, or even your friends. Just a bit advise from me, love your partner as much as you can, try to understand them better and always sppreciate them. I pray for your relationship with your partner will be long last and always be happy!! 

Happily ever after! :D

 

But, I basically realized that I made a lot mistakes on my post and I still have to improve my writing skill. So, please feel free to give your comment and correction about my writing. Thank you so much for reading this. See you on my next posts! Much Love.